“I was working in criminal law and had a case where a man had set up cameras to watch women go to the bathroom,” he tells Reader’s Digest, “and oh, by the way, what he really liked was to watch them making… Number 2.” The D.A. Seriously, kid, you should think about making an honest career as a racecar driver.”. She covers life and style, popular culture, law, religion, health, fitness, yoga, entertaining and entertainment. Even asking if I can read it doesn’t get me any other response than her pointing at the letter. “Because a dumpster parked in that spot. Colleague: “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”. Beware of Killer Whales. One day, I am assisting in a settlement conference, and the judge and I are sitting at opposite ends of a long table, with the parties down either side. “As she poured, the pitcher’s lid fell off… sending water everywhere.” At least the judge had a good laugh! And this signature is definitely, “My client would like to change his plea to guilty. The first section is captioned, “Hurling Chunks.” The last: “A Schwing and a Miss.” In between, Judge Paine calls the defendant’s case “bogus” and “not worthy” and ultimately denies the defendant’s motion with a curt, “Party on.”. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. The taxi driver will have a fun story to tell his family after his shift! It did not go well. We’re sure that isn’t the strangest thing to happen in a court of law. Turned out, the child was the result of a one-night stand. BLOG. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Aj (girl) on June 11, 2018: THE LAST ONE!!!!! Throughout the week, he falls into the same routine: court in the morning and work in the afternoon. Mum: “Well, that’s not robins-egg blue paper, is it? Funny Court Transcripts. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. Sanford’s partner at BMS, Lisa J. On this particular occasion, the person on trial is a “Freeman-On-The-Land,” a person who claims that no English law save “common law” is valid. The only other thing I can do is just give her a copy — which has no “value” or use at all, short of reading what’s on it — and besides, she would have already gotten a copy by letter when the verdict came out, so I cannot imagine it’ll help. He sued her on grounds of… “My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and she’s ovulating right now.” What could be said beyond, “Thank you for sharing”? provided Ozols and his team with videos, which went to an intern to review. No wonder the Third World countries think we are nuts :-) More funny jokes are listed on the left hand side or listed in the Jokes page. Motion denied.”. On Thursday, the penultimate day of the trial, he comes in. Word got back to the judge, who, on Friday morning, went ballistic. The delicious irony is that he wasn’t careful who he got the urine sample from. The lawyer hands it to my mother, who gives it a look. : I failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report … Speaking of funny judges, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina had us in tears when she told us about an exotic dancer who, having pleaded guilty on a drug charge, was sentenced to wearing an ankle monitor. We're … He called himself “John Doe,” making it impossible for Sanford to call back. Judges have latitude when it comes to how they write their opinions and some run with it. Spoiler alert: it turned out the parking ticket was issued in error, so everyone went home happy (except the police officer who wrote the ticket). Lauren Cahn is a New York-based writer whose work has appeared regularly on Reader's Digest, The Huffington Post, and a variety of other publications since 2008. James Gray Robinson, a third generation trial attorney and self-proclaimed “cattle enthusiast,” was once hired by an insurance company to defend a farmer who was being sued for rear-ending a vehicle…with a bull, thus putting a whole new meaning to the notion of rear-ending. You make good things happen. I am the court bailiff, clerk, reporter, and probation officer. So, I read it in the hopes that there are instructions in it and that they are asking for her to bring a certain document, which I can then provide. Nope. 1 The US judge who jailed a man for yawning in court. I even offered to put in a word for a local racing team, whose owner I knew. ALL STAR COMEDIAN SHAWN CLOWNS ON FOX'S CRISTINA'S COURT...A MUST SEE!! I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. See more ideas about humor, lawyer jokes, lawyer humor. These funny lines are real - Source Below! He kind of laughed me off, but I was 100% deadly serious. Another man stood before Judge Caprio defending himself for having parked in a handicapped spot, despite not having a sticker or a visible handicap. One day, we have one of our regular customers in. I have given you everything we can. She had to, hm? I became very familiar with the young man well before I ever met him. Lauren is also an author of crime fiction; her first full-length manuscript, The Trust Game, was short-listed for the 2017 CLUE Award for emerging talent in the genre of suspense fiction. I can see the letter she’s given me is from an insurance company, but she is unable to answer any of my questions so I don’t know how I can help her. On this particular day, he knows he is going to be drug tested (by me), which includes me physically having to watch him pee into a cup, on the side of which is a thermometer strip. “My client had stuck a joint in my up-do,” she realized. At this point, I’m lost. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. In front of the windows. Just this once. However, as far as the potential for awkward situations goes, going to the doc's can be comedy gold. Another man accused of speeding seemed really, well, anxious, as he stood before Judge Caprio. While it may be true that there were some activities she could no longer perform, a private investigator unearthed a treasure trove of professional adult films the woman had shot since the accident, proving there’s performing, and then there’s performing, and this woman was performing just fine, apparently. He’s presenting evidence that follows the strange rules of the FOTL. It’s not valid.”. I still maintain that he would have made one h*** of a racecar driver. I can no longer help you. 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